A special festive bonus episode with Andy’s eldest daughter reading a Chat GPT generated take on the Nativity story (Chat GPT is only as good as the prompt, and I’d like to think this came out pretty well!)
Journey across Northumberland in a Ford Escort van, back in 1984 and join Joseph and Mary for a roadside birth like no-other.
Perhaps this could be the start of a new religion?!
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[00:00:00] Welcome to My Dads Car, a podcast discussing our personal relationship with automotive nostalgia. And you know what? It doesn't even have to be about your dad's car. It can be your mum's, your grand's, your parents, guardians or even a neighbour's. If it made an impression, let's talk about it.
[00:00:28] By the glow of streetlights, the hum of an old Ford Escort Van and the crackle of a seasonal tune. The year was 1984 and the streets in Northumberland were quiet under a chilly December sky.
[00:00:49] Inside a battered blue Ford Escort Van, Joseph gripped the steering wheel with determination. His tools rattled in the back van as the vehicle coughed and spluttered over potholes.
[00:01:05] Beside him sat Mary, her hands resting gently on her growing belly, her scarf wrapped tightly around her head. The ends of it toyed with discarded ash in the ashtray below her.
[00:01:21] It's not far now, Joseph said, though he wasn't quite sure. The map was marked with coffee and chocolate and crumpled on the floor, and the street signs were hard to see in half light.
[00:01:34] Mary nodded, her breath fogging the window. I hope so, Joe. He's kicking like mad. I think, I think it's going to be tonight.
[00:01:45] Joseph's eyes widened. Tonight? Mary, we were supposed to be at my cousin's place hours ago. I can't deliver a baby, let alone in the back of this van.
[00:01:55] He reached the radio dial, hoping for some Christmas cheer to lighten the mood.
[00:02:01] Do they know it's Christmas? Crackled through the coat hanger aerial, each word punctured by static.
[00:02:09] Mary hung along softly, her voice always masking the rattle of the van.
[00:02:15] Joseph compelled to do the voices to match the numerous celebrity singers.
[00:02:20] Before she could finish the chorus, the van let out a loud clunk.
[00:02:26] Joseph's stomach dropped as the vehicle coasted to a halt on the side of an empty road.
[00:02:32] No, no, no, he muttered, banging the steering wheel.
[00:02:36] He leapt out into the freezing night and lifted the bonnet.
[00:02:40] Steam hissed out as he fumbled with a torch, and he might as well have been fixing a spaceship for all he knew.
[00:02:47] No, this isn't happening, he groaned.
[00:02:50] From the passenger seat, Mary called out softly,
[00:02:54] Joseph, leave it, come back, it's time.
[00:02:57] He froze and then hurried to her side, time as in the time.
[00:03:02] Yes, she whispered, her voice calm despite the situation.
[00:03:06] Joseph opened the back of the van, pushing aside saws, hammers and planks of wood to make space.
[00:03:14] With a flurry of blankets and jackets, he created a makeshift bed.
[00:03:20] All right, Mary, he said, his voice trembling.
[00:03:23] We're going to do this and it's going to be fine.
[00:03:27] Mary's labour pains intensified.
[00:03:30] The world around them seemed to pause.
[00:03:33] Snow began to fall.
[00:03:35] Delicate flakes landed on the van's frosty windows.
[00:03:39] The orange glow of the streetlight bathed the semen warm otherworldly light.
[00:03:45] Joseph knelt beside Mary, his hands trembling but steady.
[00:03:50] He muttered every prayer he knew, although he wasn't sure if he got the words right.
[00:03:55] The tools scattered around him seemed absurdly out of place for such a sacred moment.
[00:04:03] And then with a cry that echoed through the still night, the baby was born.
[00:04:08] Joseph held the tiny spindle in his hands, tears streaming down his face.
[00:04:14] He's perfect, Mary, absolutely perfect.
[00:04:17] Mary smiled, her exhaustion melting into joy as she cradled the baby.
[00:04:23] Hello, little one, she whispered.
[00:04:25] Her voice filled with wonder.
[00:04:27] Suddenly there was a knock on the van door.
[00:04:30] Startled, Joseph opened to find two strangers standing there.
[00:04:35] One was a milkman, his cart jingling with empty bottles.
[00:04:39] The other was a kindly old woman walking her dog.
[00:04:42] We saw your van from down the road, the milkman said.
[00:04:46] Thought you might need help.
[00:04:48] Joseph gestured to Mary and the baby.
[00:04:50] Help, I think we've already got all we need.
[00:04:53] The old woman peered in and gasped.
[00:04:56] Oh my, a Christmas baby.
[00:04:59] She rummaged in her shopping bag and pulled out a knitted blanket.
[00:05:03] For the wee one, she said, draping it gently over the child.
[00:05:07] The milkman grinned, pulling out a hip flask and a battered pack of cigarettes from his pocket.
[00:05:13] You've got to celebrate a moment like this.
[00:05:16] It's fancy a knit mate.
[00:05:17] Joseph chuckled, shaking his head.
[00:05:19] Just one, he said, taking a quick swig of the fiery liquid before handing it back.
[00:05:26] Mary smiled at the old woman.
[00:05:28] Do you think he looks like a Joseph or maybe a Matthew?
[00:05:31] The old woman tilted her head thoughtfully.
[00:05:33] He's got the look of a Frank.
[00:05:35] I think Frank's a good, strong name.
[00:05:38] Joseph looked at Mary, shrugged.
[00:05:41] Frank it is then, she said, her eyes sparkling.
[00:05:44] Thanks to the milkman's help, by the time Joseph's van roared back to life,
[00:05:49] it was nearly dawn.
[00:05:51] They drove off slowly.
[00:05:53] The baby nestled slavedly in Mary's arm.
[00:05:56] On the radio, last Christmas began to play.
[00:06:00] The static make in George Michael's voice wobbled slightly
[00:06:04] and the pair of them laughed as they sang along.
[00:06:07] As the Ford Escort rattled down the road,
[00:06:10] Joseph glanced at Mary and their child, his heart full.
[00:06:15] Maybe this wasn't the plan, he said with a smile,
[00:06:18] but it feels like a miracle all the same.
[00:06:21] Mary nodded, her eyes fixed on the tiny face in her arms.
[00:06:25] Because it is Joseph, it really is.
[00:06:28] And with that, they disappeared into the morning light,
[00:06:31] their laughter mingling with the hum of the old van.
[00:06:34] Thank you, that will be all for storytelling.
[00:06:38] Thank you for listening to My Dad's Car Nativity.
[00:06:41] We hope you share it with all your friends and family.
[00:06:45] Bye-bye!
[00:06:47] Hang on, wait.
[00:06:49] What button do you press to make a clap?
[00:06:52] Thank you for listening to My Dad's Car.
[00:06:58] I hope you enjoyed the show.
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